Although the reasons, or circumstances, behind infidelity vary, the outcome is always the same; get caught, confess, or live a lie.
The best resolution, of course, is to confess.
Adulterers who confess are doing so by their own volition. Perhaps there is fear or threat that the spouse or significant other will catch wind of the illicit activity from someone else, or the unfaithful has awakened from fantasy-land and realize they want their life back. The confession of tracking the partner can also be made. Many people are using the sms trackers application for revelation of the truth. It will make the bond of relationship stronger.
Regardless of the motive for confession, those who confess are willing to take a great risk of either losing a marriage or severely crippling a relationship.
Adulterers who truly surrender infidelity recognize their mistake, seek guidance, and prepare for the consequences.
For those who wish to restore their relationship with a spouse or significant other, a tough journey is ahead. However, key steps to ending an affair will help both adulterer and betrayed spouse clear the slate and mend the broken foundation of commitment and trust.
The first thing an unfaithful spouse or partner should do is establish a small support group (one or two friends / family) to lean on. The adulterer may have pushed loved ones and friends aside while engaging in the affair, but now these individuals are needed the most. (If uncomfortable with a friend or family member, consult a licensed therapist or clergy member as an objective advocate.)
Once a support team is established, prepare to confess the adultery to the spouse or significant other and brace for the worst. There really is no good way to tiptoe around the subject. Be as direct as possible, yet tactful and sensitive to whatever reaction may be received; shock, anger, sadness, or all. (Remember, there may not be the “best time” or “right time” to lay it all out, however ensure there is significant time alone between the adulterer and betrayed to deal with the initial aftermath.)
The betrayed may barrage the unfaithful with questions, vulgarities, and demands. It is critical all questions or requests are answered as directly and thoroughly as possible. If details are too shameful or forgotten, commit to writing the events of the affair on paper. Retrace the past in a time-line of when the affair began, how it progressed, and why it is ending.
In order for the unfaithful to end the adulterous relationship, all contact must cease with the affair partner. Non-contact may be best established by letter, email, or telephone call with betrayed spouse present as witness. Dependant on the nature, or place where the adulterer and affair partner met, this environment must be avoided to eliminate contact.
Once non-contact has begun, the adulterer must submit to the betrayed partner’s requests, relinquish privacy, and commit to being 100% transparent. (Submitting to requests must be within reason; not physically damaging or abusive in nature.) Adulterer must realize that trust no longer exists in the relationship and the betrayed has every right to request Internet passwords, cell phone messages, and hold the adulterer accountable for all time spent outside the home.
It is essential that both partners seek outside counseling, either individually, together, or a combination. A professional who is experienced in marriage and family issues is preferred and best equipped to help.
The adulterer must remember that the betrayed does not owe the unfaithful anything. A betrayed partner who chooses to work through the infidelity is a gift to the adulterer. The adulterer must realize the full extent of the adulterous activity; broken marital vows, broken trust, and broken heart and do everything to help mend the foundation.
Although the adulterer is 100% responsible and accountable for the affair, the marriage or partnership does take two.
In time and commitment from both partners, trust can be re-established, cracks that led to the broken marriage can be mended, and renewed strength and devotion can lead to a better relationship and future.
